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Saturday, May 13, 2017

15 Steps To Take To Meet A Brilliant, Kind, Delightful Man

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How did I meet a brilliant, kind, delightful man and what steps did I take?  

They say you meet "Prince Charming" when you least expect it.  Very true.  

May 2011
The last thing I was looking for was to get married.  But married I got!  It will be six years the end of this month.  

What is IT - this monster inside me.
He has helped me through this medical mystery and been by my side whenever IT strikes. (See IT Struck Again Last Night - What Is IT????)

When we said, "for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health" we both meant it.

When I suddenly found myself single due to private events (I promised some people I would not discuss it publicly) it was tough.  We had been together a long time.

When I left my ex-husband, I was young and had many single friends. I always had something to do with or without the kids. (See 15 Things I Loved About Being Young, Single And Healthy)

When I was suddenly single the second time, things were different.  The kids were grown with girlfriends or boyfriends, friends, school, activities, work and basically, lives of their own. They were always around for family events, but they were doing their own thing on a daily basis.

All my friends (many of which I had since elementary school and still have) were either married or in relationships. Not to mention, at 45, neither I, nor my friends, were into what we were when I divorced at 30.  

My sisters were married, working, had families and personal situations.  While we were and are close, they couldn't do things with me constantly.  
l - r Baby and Lexxi
And so... I went looking for a companion.  I already had two dogs. I decided I'd look for a man.  I wanted someone to do fun things with, spend time with.  

So What Steps Did I Take:
  1. I used a throw away email address.
  2. I used online dating services (I preferred the free services) why pay when you weren't guaranteed a return. I used PlentyofFish POF
  3. I made up a profile on POF's site.
  4. I found that many sites, both free and paid (some friends used paid), were filled with people just looking for sex. I wasn't one of them. I wrote an honest profile and was clear about what I wanted. 
  5. I would respond to ads that seemed as if the men were honest, moral and decent.
  6. When I would meet someone who was interesting, I always spoke to them first over the site.  
  7. If I felt comfortable, we would graduate to private messages on personal email (my throw away email)  
  8. If someone asked to speak via phone and I felt comfortable, I would tell them to give me their number.
  9. I informed them I would be blocking my number.  If someone objected, it was over, I wasn't interested.
  10. If I decided to meet someone, I did so in public.
  11. I always let a friend know where I was going, what time and sent them the profile of the person I was meeting. 
  12. My friends and I had a code.  We would call or text one another at certain times.  If all was ok, we would say so.
  13. We had code words which we knew meant help or I'm not into this person, etc.
  14. The best reason we came up with to leave a date without angering/upsetting the person was, "sorry, the person watching my kids just texted/called. I need to get home."  
  15. But, if I liked the person, I would accept a second date, also meeting in public.

I came across my husband's profile several times.
  • I liked his picture. 
  • He had the kindest eyes and a very pleasant face. 
  • He looked like he was a really nice person. 
  • He was dressed in a tuxedo (I love a man in a tux).  
  • It was a nice change from all the other profile pictures.  
  • He chose one where he looked his best and looked classy!

I later found out he had been best man for his friend (they've been friends 45 years, since childhood, and call each other brother).  He used a picture from that event as his profile.  Good choice.

I didn't respond though, because he didn't have a full profile.  I had no idea what he liked, didn't like, etc.  All he had written was "It's what's on the inside that counts."  While I do agree, I couldn't tell if we were compatible.

I passed up his profile, probably 10 times.  How do you respond to someone that tells you nothing. Then, one day, after seeing nothing but CRAPOLA on other profiles, I sent him a message.  I simply wrote "I agree with you." which was in response to his statement  "It's what's on the inside that counts."

I found out later that he got tired of writing out long profiles only to meet nasty, crappy, crazy women!  

I had a full profile.  He read my profile after receiving my message.  He  liked  everything I had written, but was exceptionally intrigued that I said I loved WWII.  I find stories of survival amazing. I would read/watch fiction and nonfiction revolving around WWII.

Hubby is a history buff and his specialty is WWII. He's so good, he really should be a Professor, which he was told by several professionals. In fact, one time he did correct a Professor in conversation.  The Professor insisted he was wrong.  The next day, the Professor came over and told him he was right!

He'd never met a female who also loved WWII.  And so... WWII brought us together!

Pros And Cons of Online Dating:  Everything has it's pros and cons in life. (See Pros And Cons)

  • You talk to the person for a while. You get a feel for them.
  • Sometimes a trigger goes off, a warning so to speak.  I once met a guy who kept sending me messages over the dating site.  
  • We had been chatting about two weeks. 
  • I could see the messages on my phone and would click quick. 
  • He kept sending repeated messages and then said in the last one, "I can see you are reading them." 
  • By the last comment and previous comments, I could tell he was angry and accusatory.
  • Yes... I was "reading" them.  At RED LIGHTS.  I was DRIVING, I was WORKING, going from one appointment to another.  
  • That was a big red flag.  I blocked him.  Be gone with you psycho man. 
  • Anyone who expects an immediate reply is either insecure, demanding, controlling, doesn't value your time, doesn't value your work ethic or all of the above. 
  • If you start harassing someone two weeks in, forget it. 
  • You get a feel for personality (good and bad).  
  • You can get a feel for whether they are just looking for sex.
  • Chatting back and forth helps you to get to know someone.  
  • Asking questions helps to get to know if you are compatible. 
  • You can't see body language, eyes, facial expressions, etc. so, if someone is a good liar, they could be lying to you online. 
  • There are crazies out there who play games and prey on women.  
My personal experience:  

I met my first husband in person at OBI. (See Foods And Drinks That Originated In Or Are Associated With New York Part 2)

That didn't go very well.  I left him 10 days before Christmas in 1994 after 9 years too long of marriage!  I knew him 11 years too long total! 

I met my second husband online.  We know each other 8 years. Time sure did fly!  

Meeting someone in person or online is never a guarantee.  Anyone can be a crazy person.  Some people can lie well, in person or online.  Anyone can prey on women, in person or online.

Sometimes, it's just pure luck that you meet a sane, nice, caring, honest person whether it be in person or online!  Take precaution with either option and hope for the best!

Every relationship has it's ups and downs.  Problems, sometimes, through no one's fault, can put stress on a relationship.  
  • When I met my husband, a close family member, who was very young, had terminal cancer.
  • Another close family member, also fairly young, with small children, was diagnosed with breast cancer.  
  • Then his good friend was diagnosed with cancer.
  • Then the woman who raised him was also diagnosed with cancer. 
  • Three more of my family members have been diagnosed with cancer during our marriage within the past two years. 
  • The person who had breast cancer, got sick again in 2016 with cancer in a different part of the body.  
CANCER SUCKS.  PERIOD, THE END.  All of that caused everybody, including us, a ton of worry, stress, heartache and tears. 

  • Him and I have  both struggled with our own health problems.
  • The economy was horrific at times.
  • Employers were downsizing, and he was a victim of layoffs. 
  • Small business owners were having a hard time - that hit me bad.
l - r - top - hubby wearing his niece's Christmas hat, me tap dancing in a store
l - r -bottom - hubby riding on the cart in Sam's Club - me as a pimp on Halloween
We are still going strong through it all!  We keep a sense of humor, we have fun!  These days, fun is everyday things, but they are fun just the same.  We look at the pros.

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