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Friday, April 7, 2017

I Peeked! I Was Horrified! I was Traumatized!

I sat down in the chair at the Lab.  Normally, I don't watch what they are doing.  For some reason, I took a quick peek at the little basket the Phlebotomist had placed next to me.  I was HORRIFIED!  

Sitting in the basket were vials of all shapes and sizes with different colored tops.  There had to be at least TWENTY!!!  Holy Crap.

I asked the Phlebotomist if I was going to make it out alive!  She laughed.  I swear she gave me an evil look. She had an evil grin on her face!   

I heard her snap on the gloves.  I think she snapped them twice, she had to have, it boomed throughout the room.  

She asked me if I drank a lot of water.  I told her I had, it's all I drink.  I even drank a bottle on the drive over.  She gave me more.  It was an evil plot.  She was going to demand I not move while it felt like my bladder would burst!!

I heard another evil giggle and she directed me to keep still and keep my arm straight.  I tried not to do the pee pee dance two-year olds have perfected!

She said she needed heat.  She was going to place heat on my arm.  Red lava was dripping down my arm, I felt the excruciating pain! 

I turned my head back just as she took hold of the the six foot needle!  She said, "take a deep breath." I did.  I'm not a religious person, but I said a little prayer too!  I figured, what could it hurt.  

"You are going to feel a stab", she sneered.  The point plunged into my arm.  She barked to stay still and straighten my arm.  My bladder screamed.  I grunted loudly.  

I was strapped to the chair THIRTY MINUTES.  Blood flowing from my veins.  My heart pounding. My bladder screaming.  The Phlebotomist sneering. 

Ok, so I have a wild imagination and am overly dramatic.  I get it.  But... I swear, that's exactly how it felt. 
  • There really were twenty or so vials. 
  • She really did put a hot compress on my arm and she did make me drink more.
  • She did tell me to take a deep breath and did say I would feel a pinch.
  • She did tell me to stay still and keep my arm straight (twice). I wasn't being cooperative apparently. 
  • I really did have to pee. 
  • I sat in the chair maybe eight minutes total! 

The Phlebotomist was a little woman, barely 5 feet tall, thin with an awesome accent. She was very professional, kind and funny.  
  • I really don't like to watch. 
  • I really did glance at the basket and was horrified to see ALL THOSE VIALS. 
  • She did laugh and say, yes, your doctor ordered the works!  

And then... when the trauma was all over, or so I thought, she handed me the dreaded HAT!!!!! NOT THE HAT!!!!!  Here we go again.  Round number four.  Another 24 hour marathon of peeing into a hat!  (See Allergies,Immunology Issues And Hospitalizations)

I did this once in the hospital and twice at home.  If there is ever a competition for peeing into a hat for 24 hours straight, I'd win the gold!  

I didn't realize the doctor had ordered that many blood tests or the 24 hour urine test.  I folded up the lab paper she gave me, as we were deep in conversation, and stuck it into my pocketbook.  I never bothered to look at it.  I simply handed it to the front desk at the lab this morning!  (See My Visit With the Extraordinary New Doctor March 31, 2017)

I spoke with the doctor's office again today.  Her staff is exceptional.  What professional, caring, friendly people.  So far, I have a lot of faith in this new doctor and her employees. I'm looking forward to my next appointment.  

We shall see.  Stay Tuned...

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