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Tuesday, July 4, 2017

Do It Your Way!

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They say people who had a good relationship/marriage look for that again. I think it's very true.

Dating after...



Very true.  Statistically, men will date sooner after a breakup or the death of a significant other.

My husband and I in May, 2011 on our wedding day.
They also say you meet the one you will marry when you least expect it!  I find that to also be very true.


Funny story:  A good friend wanted to get married.  She had finished college, got her career going strong and was pushing 30.  She wanted to find Mr. Right to settle down with and have kids.  

I told her, "don't worry, you will find him when you least expect it."  She replied, "I've been least expecting it for 5 years now!"  

When I left my first husband December, 1994, I was young with a lot of single friends.  I lived with my parents for two years before buying my condo, so I had built-in babysitters.  So... I was always out and about having fun.


A good friend was with the fire department. She introduced me to firemen and cops!  I'm still good friends with one of the guys I met through her today!

I had a great social life when I first separated then divorced.  When you are young, it is much easier to get out.  I was either doing things with my kids alone or with them and family and friends, with my friends, with my family, with coworkers or all of the above.

One of our trips to Niagara Falls
I traveled a lot too, with and without my kids.  Every year I took them away for at least one week and we did many long weekend trips throughout the year too.  We also had fun right here on Long Island. Trips to Splish Splash, Adventure Land, yearly family picnics, etc.  (See Time Travel - Is It Possible?)


When one is older and suddenly finds themselves single, things are different.  Like me, many no longer have the desire to go to the clubs, not to mention none of my friends were single.  They have their own busy lives.

When people have a good relationship and it ends for whatever reason, they miss it.  I found myself going from a person who was very active with my then Significant Other to being alone in my apartment. 


I started looking for companionship.  Just someone to go out with once in a while, have some fun and ease the boredom. (See 15 Steps To Take To Meet A Brilliant, Kind, Delightful Man)


The very last thing on my mind was marriage.  And then... I met my husband.  Maybe it was Divine Intervention,who knows.  (See Divine Intervention? Amazing Luck? Or Was It Jinxed Real Estate? You Decide)


Do what feels right to you.  Follow your own heart.  As long as it's not illegal, you aren't hurting anyone, then don't worry about what anyone else thinks.  You are living YOUR life.

If others think its too soon, you shouldn't date because you have kids, it's not right because you aren't legally divorced, etc. that's their problem, not yours.


I did what was best for me and my kids.  Strangers, acquaintances, coworkers, some friends and some family have taken issue with my choices through the years.  Hopefully, they've gotten over it.


People I know have married after a month of dating and they are still happily married 30 plus years. Others waited over 10 years to marry and were no longer together by their 5th anniversary.  There's no right or wrong way to do it.  There's only YOUR way, what's good for you.


If at the time, you think you are making a good choice, go for it.  Even if it doesn't work out, don't be sad it ended, be happy it happened.  There's never a guarantee in this life.  And no one can live your life but YOU.


Would I have done anything differently.  Only ONE thing.  Knowing what I know now, I would have never chosen to get married the first time.  But... having done that taught me a lot about what I don't want .  I also have my two great kids.  Other than that, I wouldn't change a thing.

I have WONDERFUL memories of my past before and after my first marriage and I cherish them.
I've had amazing relationships and experiences I would have never had if I hadn't ended my first marriage.


Love has no timeline.  Whether you get involved quickly after a relationship, a long time after or never again, it's all up to you. If the previous relationship was bad, you may be gun-shy or you may be anxious to find a good one.  If it was good, you may be more eager to share that again or you may feel you need time.  There's no rules to life.

It doesn't mean you loved the person less because you got involved again at any time, be it "too soon" or "years later."  It means you have the capacity to love, to be in a relationship through the good and bad.  It means you have wonderful memories to embrace and you will be making wonderful new memories to hold dear.


I have a man who loves me with all his heart, as I do him, regardless of our flaws, our medical issues, our emotional problems.

As Frank Sinatra sang"I Did It My Way".

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Hold your head high.  Do what you choose.  It's not over yet.  There's still much more life to live.


BE SAFE, BE CAREFUL, BE SMART - ENJOY THE LONG HOLIDAY WEEKEND AND REMEMBER: DON'T DRINK AND DRIVE!   

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