|Not all of these thoughts are from this particular gathering.|
Me before attending the gathering: Will the evening be ruined, Will I leave in an ambulance, will I spend hours or days in a hospital?
Me at event: I will join in the conversations. I won't say one word about my issues.
Random person at event taking something hot out of the microwave and getting ready to place it on the table right in front of me. If I breathe in something steaming hot that has something I'm allergic to in it, I'm going to be in trouble. As I see people coming toward me, I literally hold my breath and turn away.
Me at event: "Can you please place that away from me?" I know the table is crowded, I know it's a pain in the butt.
Me at event: I could literally die, but, I'm a pain in the ass and dammit, they are going to let everyone know even though I'm trying not to talk about IT.
Met at event: Having to explain to the 15th person who wants to take my pocketbook off the back of the chair I'm sitting in. "No... please leave it there." I like to keep my pocketbook beside me - my EpiPens are in there. I am terrified someone will move my pocketbook and we won't be able to find it.
Random person: "How are you feeling?"
Me at event: "Ok," Person looks like they want more than an ok, so I give them a bit more info.
Another Random person: "You look fine, I see you in pictures smiling and having fun."
Me at event: Just smile and nod. Don't go there. See this article.
Me at event: You idiot, maybe you shouldn't be posting the rare fun times. Maybe you should have told them what you and your family went through to make it happen. Cooking in one home, lugging it all to another home.
Me at event: You should have said something about how guilty you feel because you are driving everyone crazy. Why is that anyone's business? It will only make everyone uncomfortable.
Me at event: Maybe you should ONLY post pictures of yourself at your worst - it will make it more legit, at least in the minds of others.
Me at event: My throat feels like I have strep throat, my stomach feels like it's going to explode, but I am not going to ruin this party. I laugh, I joke, I smile, I join in conversations. Everyone thinks all is fine. Am I deceiving these people? I refuse to mention any of the horrible symptoms I'm feeling from Hashimoto's either.
Me at event: Take comfort in knowing you can leave at anytime. You are close to home, close to hospitals you know and trust.
Me at event: This isn't like your job (when you were working) where people got upset that you had to leave yet AGAIN, where as you are having an asthma attack they are informing you of how you are out of sick time.
Me at event: You won't need to deal with Human Resources from your hospital bed, call your boss daily, bring a doctor's note, miss meetings, training classes and your work won't back up.
Met at event: You can come back when you are ready, not because you feel you HAVE to because you need the money, have no sick time, or are afraid of being fired.
Random conversation at event: A group talking about an upcoming party.
Me at event: What will I cook for myself to bring. Most people shop for a new outfit, dress up and attend. I have to pack food, check that I have my EpiPens, all my medications and my inhalers and emergency inhalers. If it wasn't close by and for a close relative, I wouldn't even attempt it.
At My Sister's House
After the family all went home, it was just myself, my sister and my mom.
Me at sister's house: My face is swelling, my stomach is grumbling, but they have no clue. It's now 1:30 a.m. Mom doesn't look like she's going anywhere nor does sis look like she's ready for bed. They are playing with the dog.
Me at sister's house: It's 2:00 a.m. I say, "mom, do you want to get going?" She says yes. If she hadn't, I would have insisted.
|My organic, gluten free meatloaf|
Hubby, "Didn't you have dinner?" Do NOT stab him with this knife. Don't remind him that they all ate appetizers, dinner and dessert. I ate my portioned out dinner and then picked at 9 pm. I haven't eaten in five hours. If I kill him, I will go to jail, repeat, if I kill him...
Me as I'm finishing eating at home: I'm going to play back the video at our next gathering. I'm going to edit so there's close ups of what everyone is eating. We will watch in slow motion how that forkful of perfectly twisted Fettuccine Alfredo enters the mouth. I'm going to tie them all to their chairs and make them watch a two-hour presentation! Ahhhhhhahhhahhhhaaaaaa.
Me as I'm taking my last bite at home: I will put headlines in large print on the video and force each person to read a headline out loud!
Me coming to my senses: MMMMMMMM, that was good meatloaf, I'm not starving anymore, I'm tired, it's almost 3 a.m. Time for bed!
Me hopping into bed, the dog cuddles up next to me: This is why I love you so much, my sweet little Chiweenie. You DON'T TALK!.
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