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Friday, February 24, 2017

Wanted - Short, Dark-haired, chunky woman... You Won't Believe Witness Descriptions!



I have appeared in public wearing a surgical mask.  Combine that with my legs being wrapped and you have one helluva "look"!  I'm often asked about my fashion choices.  I simply tell them, "I'm wearing the latest Italian trend by the up and coming designer, di Lampedusa" and let them wonder. 

I do get a lot of looks.  Of admiration and jealousy.  People whisper to one another.  I know they are saying, "where do you think she got that look, you ask." Others move away quickly.  How polite of them to give up their seat to allow me more room.



Once I pull out a jar of baby food and a teaspoon, I get death stares!  



Yes, that was me in  Walmart (hey I fit right in) wearing a mask, with my legs wrapped and a jar of baby food in my hands, riding in a handicapped cart.  Is that unusual?  Now the guy above is weird. I can't grasp why people are making such a fuss over me. 



Every so often, someone gets up enough nerve, after being prodded, to ask me, "What do you have?" I tell them what my Great Aunt used to tell us as kids, "it's Diabeastabocious, run for your lives!"


Why was I heading out as a 50'something masked, baby banana jar wielding, gimp do you ask? No... I'm not holding up gas stations in the middle of the night. "Give me the money or I'll smash you with this 4 oz., 6 month plus, glass jar of bananas!"  


I went through several weeks of treatment at the Lymphedema Center in the local hospital before getting my own wraps for home.
My legs are wrapped due to Lymphedema.  It's not a cure. I'm told I will always have pain, I will have difficulty walking, standing and sitting.  It will hurt and I will limp.  So, I endure the fashion statement in good faith. It is an attempt to ease some of the pain and to cut down on infections



I wore a mask in an attempt curb an allergic reaction.  I tried it because that day it was very cold and cold affects my breathing.  Walmart can be dusty and also have smells from various things that might affect me (even more so when I'm already having difficulty breathing).  



At one job, the unit next to mine was packing all their belongings (that happened fairly often). The dust created caused a severe allergy/asthma attack.  The mask did nothing. All the mask accomplished was scaring coworkers and having employees write emails, ask for meetings with management and gossip a lot, coming to some strange conclusions and starting weird rumors. Some rumors were funny, I will give them that.


When I was called into a meeting with my boss, I refrained from saying it was Diabeastabocious.  I simply explained that I was not sick or contagious.  I then had to bring in a doctor's note.


The nurse at my job (the medical area was like a mini ER due to the large amount of employees in the building daily) thought it best to call an ambulance after attempting to treat me for the dust reaction. I was rushed to the nearest emergency room.  It was just one of the many times one of the nurses felt the need to call an ambulance. I was a frequent flyer!


I thought if I wore a mask to work, it would help.  It didn't help. It was difficult to breathe through and difficult to be understood when speaking on the phone.

It didn't help with smells from food in the microwaves or food ordered and brought into the office either.  I had several attacks from that. The worst was when they would call a meeting and serve food still steaming hot in the meeting room.  I couldn't be there.


Many times I'd go into a bosses office or by a coworker's desk and they were eating nuts.  I would have to leave.  If someone came to my desk to show me something or help with a problem, I had to ask them to wash their hands before touching my keyboard, mouse or anything.

Once, someone who had oils on their hands from nuts sat at my desk and looked something up on my computer while I was away. I touched my keyboard, rubbed my nose and picked up food with my hands and you guessed it, I had a severe reaction.


I wound up having to leave work.  I was so drugged up on allergy medication, I couldn't stay awake. I couldn't drive, I had to leave my car and be picked up (that happened more times than I can count).

Remember, I have issues with gluten, nuts, soy, corn and eggs!  You would need to ban all food from the entire building!


The mask also didn't help with chemical smells.  Employees shared desks due to different shifts. When employees would come in for their shift, they often used bleach or other chemicals to clean. That caused me bad issues.  Cleaning crews in the bathrooms were also a problem.

If crews were doing repairs on the building, it was also a problem.


Employees complained about my dilemma to other employees and to bosses.  I was talked about too, not that I care.  However, it doesn't make for a pleasant work atmosphere.  Not to say there weren't those who I was good friends with and many who went out of their way to try to help me and take precaution.


Maybe I belong on the People Of Walmart Hall of Fame Page!  I don't think I'm as bad as many who have appeared.  But we all have our reasons for looking the way we do. Some truly do make you wonder. But who are we to question men in hot pink bikini underwear and nothing else.

When they asked who knocked over that big display of Doritos, witnesses said it was a short, dark-haired, chunky lady wearing a surgical mask, wrapped up like a mummy, in blue slippers, blue sweat pants, eating baby food trying to control her handicapped cart with one hand!


Not sure the manager believed them!
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